Telescope Reviews: Stellar Reactions

STELLAR REACTIONS
by Stephen Saber (saberscorpx)

Star parties are more than just our chance to combine forces collecting photons, converse with friends, and show-off our new astro-toys. Veterans also have the chance to flex their expertise as Celestial Tour Guides for the visiting public.
And after offering thousands of visitors their first up-close glimpses of the heavens, I’d like to share some of my personal favorite laymans’ reactions at the eyepiece.

HELIOPHOBIA: It was a beautiful day for Solar observing among the Red Rocks of Arizona. I had a long line forming behind my mounted and filtered 80mm Giant binos. But a middle-aged woman ‘on deck’ was becoming increasingly reluctant despite the safety reassurances from me and those of her family that had already taken a peek. Without warning, her panic attack erupted with accompanying hysterical ranting about a possible intimate view of our star ‘invading her spirit’ and ‘stealing her soul’. She ran from the line and spent the next 10 minutes waiting for the rest of her family crouched in fear and peering from behind a nearby building.

HAVE YOU HUGGED AN ASTROLOGER TODAY?: Mighty Jove never fails to make an impression with newbies. After taking a long look with praise and awe at Jupiter, an excited woman began gushing me with thanks and multiple bearhugs. Turns out she was an avid astrologer who had never had the chance to see her favorite planet ‘live’ among her birthsign’s stars. She was so appreciative that I didn’t have the heart to explain to her that Jupiter was nowhere near the constellation she had hoped.

LUNAR VERTIGO: A young lady in line for her first telescopic view of our moon got a bit more than she expected. That night, for kicks, I was employing the porthole effects of a 16mm Nagler. After about ten mesmerized seconds she managed a quiet and appreciative “Whoa!”. At almost the same time her knees slowly buckled. She fell onto my accessories table, while still clutching my now teetering scope’s diagonal. Fortunately, my reflexes and moral priorities were on keel that night as I grabbed both the woman’s arm and my tripod almost simultaneously, narrowly avoiding certain disaster. (Those Naglers should really come with a physiological warning!)

A SATURNIAN COMA: Saturn looked great that night. I was even jealous that this massive group of Cub Scouts was going to enjoy such an incredibly crisp view of our ringed planet at only their first opportunity. In fact, an eager Scout about fifth in line was so literally floored by his view that he fell backwards into the grass and laid quietly mumbling “Oh God, Oh God, Oh God…” while blankly staring at the heavens for at least the next twenty minutes. Not only was it amusing, but he made a great shill for those now anxiously waiting in my line.

EYE OF THE BEHOLDER: A line of elementary school students, along with a some of the faculty, were taking turns at my scope viewing the available sunspots. After taking a peek, one exceptional 2nd grader began calmly explaining this solar phenomenon to his nearby classmates. He recited perfectly the facts concerning umbras and prenumbras, surface temperature differences, approximate sizes of sunspots, as well as Sol’s diameter and rotational period.
This was in some contrast to the next sunspot observer, the school’s principal, who excitedly spun toward me from the eyepiece and simply exclaimed, “Wow! They look like ants!”

THE VENUS VICTORY SPIKE: I volunteered to put on a daytime astronomy show one morning at a nearby youth summer camp. Luckily, conditions were wonderful and the cloudless sky was about as blue as it gets in the Mid-West. Hundreds of people had the opportunity to view Sol and Luna.
After lunch, Venus had also climbed high enough in the sky to make it an unscheduled but viable target. Among the first batch of afternoon campers, it was this group’s adult counselor that was most excited that another planet might actually be observable during daylight hours. Upon seeing the admittedly pretty but featureless crescent of our sister planet for the first time, she began a touchdown-worthy dance around my scope. The 90 lb. woman’s tirade included ecstatic screams and cumulated with her falling to her knees and repeatedly pounding her tiny fists into the ground. (And to think I was just gonna stick to sunspots and craters!)

Of course, extreme reactions from views of our celestial treasures are always entertaining. But vicariously seeing the wonders above through a first-timer’s eyes should also always remind us- lest we take them for granted- of how beautiful, intriguing, and awe-inspiring the cosmos and it’s aesthetics truly are.

Stephen Saber is the author of ‘The Starhoppers’ Guide to the Herschel400’ and has received the Master Observer’s award from the Astronomical League. He curses the clouds from his home in Rock Island, IL.