50 More CN Signatures - for 2011

By Terry Hannan

As in last year’s article, all entries are from actual CN signatures. Names of posters have been withheld to protect the tasteless. The numbers are meaningless. They just reflect the accidental order in which I found them. Preference has been given to those that might seem humorous, as I suspect most readers are more interested in achieving amusement, than in achieving spiritual enlightenment.

Enjoy!

1. Telescopes: Tools that make objects very far away appear much closer than they actually are.
2. "Look Watson, the gunman discharged several rounds into these boxes of Kellogs Cornflakes." "Good Lord Holmes, we're dealing with a cereal killer!"
3. "I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason and intellect has intended us to forgo their use." - Galileo Galilei
4. Definition of Amateur Astronomy - a hobby involving a hollow photon collection tube which holds it's owner hostage by promising astounding discoveries provided the owner continues to make ransom payments.
5. "Nothing exists but atoms and empty space. Everything else is opinion."
   Titus Lucretius Carus 99-55 B.C.
6. Look UP at the stars, not DOWN your nose... 
7. Whenever I’m about to do something...I think "would an idiot do that?" and if they would... I do not do that thing. 
   - Dwight Schrute, The Office 
8. Don't believe everything you think.
9. Behold the turtle of enormous girth, upon his shell he holds the earth…
10. In the space where they ask who to notify in case of an emergency, I wrote "Doctor". 
11. "The trouble with quotes on the Internet is that you can never know if they are genuine." - Abraham Lincoln
12. Remember to have your clouds spayed or neutered, contrails included. 
13. Thank heavens for amateur astronomy; I haven't had this much fun being kept in the dark since my honeymoon.
14. "Computers help us solve the many mysteries of the universe. They also help us make the same mistake many times, really fast."
15. "If you aren't having fun in this hobby, you aren't doing it right."
16. There's a candy bar in space, but I think that's a strange place. It seems they should have saved it for a little boy's face. My teacher says that it is stars, but I still go with candy bars...Me Age 8
17. i have learned that user error is always my problem, so i'm hoping that streak continues...
18. These aren't the mounts your looking for..........
    You can go about your business........
    Move along........
19. 19   A wise man once said........nothing.
20. "You have to grow old, you don't have to grow up."
21. 21   "That does it! Next Big Bang, someone has got to rethink this gettin' old business!" Joe Daugert
22. For every mind, there is a separate universe.
23. famous last words:"HERE,HOLD MY BEER AND WATCH THIS"
24. "Another new world, no beer, no women, no pool parlors, nothing to do here but to throw rocks at tin cans and we have to bring our own tin cans." Earl Holliman (Cookie)- Forbidden Planet
25. If your dob isn't broke, fix it anyway.
26. If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. - Carl Sagan
27. Stephen Hawking has a tattoo that says 'Jim'. I once purchased a 155EDF and A-P 900 mount on CN Classifieds from a seller in Nigeria for $500, and received them - both. When Edmund Hillary summated Everest, he found my missing eyepiece cap. When I look into a mirror its figure improves. My 'to observe' list says 'done'. One of my sketches won an SBIG deep sky imaging contest. Pluto *is* a planet." 
28. Everyone knows that the universe is expanding. This is why we constantly need to buy bigger scopes!
29. MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavor to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.
30. If you're one in a million, there are 7,000 people exactly like you.
31. “Where's the kaboom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom!” Marvin the Martian
32. "If you see a bomb technician running, keep up with him." -USAF - Ammo Troop
33. Paul (I'll sleep when it's cloudy)
34. Very often the person that speaks loudest and most often, has very little to say
35. "All civilizations become either spacefaring or extinct". Carl Sagan
36. I don't buy telescopes often, but when I do, you can bet your buns they came cheap. I saw my dream scope online, I immediately bought a used primary, a sheet of birch and a router. My scopes don't have coma, they have delicious taco stars.If we are at a star party with identical scopes, I paid less for mine. If I look through your eyepiece, the resale value declines. I don't use 100* eyepieces, I look through my plossl...twice.
    The cheapest astronomer in the world
37. As far as "experts" go, I try to remember that "Ex" is a has-been, and a "spurt" is a drip under pressure.
38. “One of my sketches was featured as the NASA APOD. I have won the lifetime achievement award for astronomy, twice. If at first I do not succeed, then it is impossible. I do not need narrowband filters - I just squint. If I criticized your collimation, you would brag about it to your observing buddies. I never say anything looks like a faint fuzzy - not even a faint fuzzy.”
39. "Black holes are where God divided by zero." - Steven Wright
40. I don't get no respect, but my scopes do!
41. When I work, I work hard! When I play I play hard! When I think, I FALL ASLEEP!!
42. It's me, down to the last rusty bolt
43. Friends with a guy who owns a 9" AP Refractor-WOW
44. Creature of the night
45. We the willing, lead by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much, for so long, with so little. We are now qualified, to do anything, with nothing. --- Unknown
46. "A celibate clergy is an especially good idea, because it tends to suppress any hereditary propensity toward fanaticism." - Carl Sagan
47. Not tonight honey, I have a Telescope... Greg W.
48. Be the sort of man that when you get up in the morning, the devil thinks, "Oh ****, he's awake!"
49. Aperture Idiot.
50. "Bright skies aren't empty skies" (James Mallaney)