619 replies to this topic

[ehanes7612]

Well, I hope this is okay to post here. I haven't seen any thread doing this either. So, post your science jokes here

 

I will start 

 

"Everyday, I erg , little by little"

[alphatripleplus]

Here is an old one:

 

"An erg is a dying centimetre."

[TOMDEY]

Well... I'll make up one, right here, on the spot, in the form of a riddle >>>

 

Riddle >>> Who would say "Cogito, ergo sum."

 

Answer >>> An ergomaniac!           Tom, laughs at his own jokes...

 

"Cogito, ergo sum" is a philosophical statement that was made in Latin by René Descartes, usually translated into English as "I think, therefore I am."

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[ehanes7612]

LOL

[BillP]

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. After a few drinks, one says "I think I've lost an electron." The other one asks, "Are you sure?" The first one says "I'm positive!"

 

Never trust atoms...they make up everything.

[EJN]

Crap, I was editing my post and I accidentally deleted it.
 
So...repost.
 
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. After a few drinks, one says "I think I've lost my electron." The other one asks, "Are you sure?" The first one says "I'm positive!"
 

[chrysalis]

A rather macabre scientist is experimenting on a frog.

 

He puts the frog up against a board and says, "Jump, frog, jump!"

 

The scientist notes, "Frog with four legs jumps four feet."

 

He then removes on of the frog's legs.

 

He puts the frog up against the board and says, "Jump, frog, jump!"

 

The scientist notes, "Frog with three legs jumps three feet."

 

He then removes another of the frog's legs.

 

He puts the frog up against the board and says, "Jump, frog, jump!"

 

The scientist notes, "Frog with two legs jumps two feet."

 

He then removes another of the frog's legs.

 

He puts the frog up against the board and says, "Jump, frog, jump!"

 

The scientist notes, "Frog with one leg jumps one foot."

 

He then removes the last of the frog's legs.

 

He puts the frog up against the board and says, "Jump, frog, jump!"

 

Strangely, the formerly cooperative frog does not jump.

 

The scientist says, more loudly, "Jump, frog, jump!"

 

Still no response.

 

The scientist now yells, "JUMP, FROG, JUMP!"

 

The scientist notes, "Frog with no legs goes deaf."

[Astrola72]

...

 

The scientist notes, "Frog with no legs goes deaf."

Probably time to Barium.

[Michael Covington]

A solvent mnemonic:  Polar bears swim in water.  Non-polar bears swim in oil.

[IDONTSEEIT]

Well... I'll make up one, right here, on the spot, in the form of a riddle >>>

 

Riddle >>> Who would say "Cogito, ergo sum."

 

Answer >>> An ergomaniac!           Tom, laughs at his own jokes...

 

"Cogito, ergo sum" is a philosophical statement that was made in Latin by René Descartes, usually translated into English as "I think, therefore I am."

For a second, I thought that was Inigo Montoya...

[chrysalis]

A scientist is sitting on a bench across from a building. A couple enter the building.

 

Nine months later, the couple emerge, with their new baby.

 

The scientist thinks, "Now if exactly one person enters the building, it will again be empty."

[chrysalis]

[FirstSight]

If two doctors examine the same patient and they come to the same diagnosis for conflicting reasons, what have you got? A quantum paro’docs.

[Keith Rivich]

Scientist at Texas A&M design an experiment where they can harmlessly shut down parts of the brain using electrodes and observe the results in volunteers. 

 

The first volunteer is hooked up and as a control the scientist ask the volunteer to count backwords from 10. The volunteer does so without error. The scientist then flips a lever to shut down 1/4 of the brain and again ask the volunteer to count backwords. With a little difficulty the volunteer does so. The scientist then flips another switch which shuts down another 1/4 of the volunteers brain and repeats his instructions. The volunteer counts down: 10, blue, rocket, 7, 3 and so on until the scientist stops the volunteer. The scientist jots down his note: With 1/2 the brain shut down the volunteer cannot count backwords from 10. 

 

Now curious the scientist decides to flip the last two switches to shut down the volunteers entire brain. 

He does so.

The volunteer jumps off the table and yells "Hook'em Horns" 

Edited by Keith Rivich, 29 November 2020 - 06:41 PM.

[chrysalis]

[chrysalis]

Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He's 0K now.

[Jeff B]

Astronomers do it with mirrors.

[Michael Covington]

Irony is the use of ferrous metals in literature.

A cyclic compound of Fe++ is a ferrous wheel.
 

[bob71741]

There are only 10 types of people in the world, those that understand binary..... and those that don't.

[chrysalis]

Heisenberg gets pulled over by a cop on his way to work.

 

The officer approaches his window and says "Sir, do you know how fast you were going?"

 

Heisenberg replies, "No, but I know where I am."

[chrysalis]

Or an extended version:

 

Heisenberg and Schroedinger we driving on the freeway when they get pulled over by the CHP. The cop comes around to the driver side and says to Heisenberg, "Do you know how fast you were going?" And so Heisenberg says, "No, but I knew where I was". The cop scratches his head, and says, "Pop the trunk, I want to take a look". He walks back, looks in and then walks around to the right side and says to Schroedinger, "Do you know you have a dead cat in the trunk?" Schroedinger says, "I do now".

[FirstSight]

What do you call places in your house that seem especially prone to collect dirt and dust?  LaGrunge Points.

[jacobgoona]

OK.. 

 

Here are a few that I have always found to be funny / corny . Top 3.  LOL

 

1.)

Have you heard about the new restaurant on the moon?
​The food is good, but there's just no atmosphere.

 

2.)

Q: How do astronomers organize a party?
A: They planet.

 

3.)

What music do Astronauts listen to?

Nep-Tunes!

 

Best,

Jacob

Edited by jacobgoona, 30 November 2020 - 03:36 PM.

[Inkswitch]

Two men walk into a bar.

First man says to the bartender, "I'll have some H2O"

Second man says, "I'll have some H2O too"

The second man died.

[Michael Covington]

What do you call places in your house that seem especially prone to collect dirt and dust?  LaGrunge Points.

That reminds me of how I remember where LaGrange, Georgia, is.  It orbits Atlanta, 60 degrees behind Macon.