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Science Jokes

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#426 chrysalis

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Posted 24 February 2021 - 06:23 PM

Do you have a day job?

 

:grin: Not any more, I retired a couple of Decembers ago. Now just part time in my LLC doing pharmaceutical analytical chemistry.



#427 chrysalis

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Posted 25 February 2021 - 06:23 AM

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#428 chrysalis

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Posted 25 February 2021 - 06:26 AM

Little Johnny is on a field trip with his science class; they're in the woods.

 

Johnny spies a snake. He asks "Hey teacher, is this snake poisonous"?

 

The teacher responds "No, that snake is not poisonous".

 

Johnny catches the snake. He proudly shows it off to his classmates. The snake turns and bites Johnny.

 

Suddenly his arm swells, his face turns red, his throat starts to close, Johnny is in real trouble.

 

The other students cry out; "Hey teacher! You told Johnny that the snake was not poisonous, what the heck?

 

Teacher says "That snake is not poisonous, it's venomous. Poison has to be ingested."



#429 chrysalis

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Posted 25 February 2021 - 06:29 AM

My teaching career:

I used to teach history, but that's all in the past.

 

I started teaching biology but my heart wasn't in it.

 

I tried teaching chemistry, but there were elements I didn't understand.

 

I was offered a job teaching maths, but something didn't add up.

 

I was sent to Germany to do food science, that was the wurst.

 

I've started teaching physics, its got potential.



#430 Mister T

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Posted 25 February 2021 - 06:40 AM

grin.gif Not any more, I retired a couple of Decembers ago. Now just part time in my LLC doing pharmaceutical analytical chemistry.

As my Dad was fond of saying:

"You should be on stage, there is one leaving in ten minutes"

lol.gif


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#431 chrysalis

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Posted 26 February 2021 - 04:15 AM

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#432 chrysalis

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Posted 26 February 2021 - 04:19 AM

My wife just said, “I just don’t understand the science behind human cloning.”

 

I said, “That makes two of us.”



#433 chrysalis

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Posted 26 February 2021 - 04:19 AM

Boy: Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?

 

Dad: No sun.



#434 chrysalis

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Posted 26 February 2021 - 04:20 AM

What's 2 times 2?

 

Physicist: “After some measurements I am fairly sure it is somewhere between 3.81 and 4.13!”

 

Mathematician: “After some consideration I can now prove that the solution exists!”

 

Engineer: “4, obviously, but lets make it 5, just to be on the safe side.”



#435 chrysalis

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Posted 27 February 2021 - 04:31 AM

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#436 chrysalis

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Posted 27 February 2021 - 04:33 AM

If I'm being subjective, I'd say that the greatest hero in Science Fiction is "Doctor Who."

 

But if I'm being completely objective... I'd say it's "Doctor Whom."



#437 chrysalis

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Posted 27 February 2021 - 04:35 AM

I asked my science teacher if she has a favorite element

 

She said No.



#438 chrysalis

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Posted 27 February 2021 - 04:35 AM

"Quark!"
- said the science duck.



#439 FloridaFocus

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Posted 27 February 2021 - 09:14 AM

In 2020, I had a Farside calendar.

In 2021... I have Chrysalis.
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#440 Mister T

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Posted 27 February 2021 - 11:28 AM

Statisticians has a big public perception problem.

10% of them make the other 99% look bad.


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#441 chrysalis

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Posted 28 February 2021 - 04:04 AM

Will statisticians like many of these jokes?

 

Probably.


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#442 chrysalis

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Posted 28 February 2021 - 04:07 AM

A mugger holds a man at gunpoint and says, "Give me your wallet or you're science!"

 

The man says, "Don't you mean history?"

 

The mugger yells, "Don't try to change the subject!"



#443 chrysalis

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Posted 28 February 2021 - 04:07 AM

What does the moon do when it needs a haircut?

 

Eclipse it.



#444 chrysalis

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Posted 28 February 2021 - 04:07 AM

Studying science makes me numb...

 

Studying math makes me number!



#445 chrysalis

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Posted 28 February 2021 - 04:08 AM

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#446 chrysalis

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Posted 01 March 2021 - 04:27 AM

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#447 chrysalis

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Posted 01 March 2021 - 04:28 AM

I don't like computer science jokes. Not one bit.


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#448 chrysalis

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Posted 01 March 2021 - 04:31 AM

Scientists have discovered another deadly pathogen they are calling the Peekaboo virus.

 

Doctors are sending anyone with peekaboo straight to ICU.


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#449 chrysalis

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Posted 01 March 2021 - 04:33 AM

Scientists were studying rams. They had three rams in their lab. Each ram had a leather collar, and attached to each collar was a tag identifying them as A, B and C.

 

One of the researchers brought a large gourd from the supply closet and placed it on the head of Ram A. Nothing happened. After five minutes he removed the gourd and placed it on the head of Ram B. Still nothing happened. Finally he placed the gourd on the head of Ram C. Again, there was no change.

 

The researchers dutifully recorded their notes on the experiment and talked about ways to change the conditions of the experiment. They decided the easiest change to try first would be to move the subjects to a new location, so they led the rams by leashes into the lab's kitchen area.

 

There, one of them put the gourd on the first ram's head. Nothing. He moved it to the second ram. Nothing. But when he put the gourd on the head of the third ram, the animal became agitated, gesticulating wildly and cursing at the kitchen staff.

 

And that's what happens when you put a gourd on Ram C in the kitchen.



#450 Mister T

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Posted 01 March 2021 - 07:11 AM

Nano nano nano nano nano nano nano, tiny batman!!


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