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#1901 chrysalis

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Posted 19 October 2021 - 02:58 AM

"Day 19 of the experiment, I have successfully conditioned my master to give me food, smile, and write in his book every time I drool." - Pavlov's Dog


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#1902 Dave Mitsky

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Posted 20 October 2021 - 12:21 AM

What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a 9-volt in his car?
 

He was booked for a salt and battery.



#1903 Dave Mitsky

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Posted 20 October 2021 - 12:25 AM

What was the title of the documentary on the feeding behavior and biology of cattle?

Graze Anatomy!


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#1904 Dave Mitsky

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Posted 20 October 2021 - 01:00 AM

A man is standing on a cliff and says to his wife, “I bet I can make it to the bottom faster than you!”.

She agrees to the bet and they both jump off at the same time.

 

Who wins?

 

Charles Darwin!


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#1905 Dave Mitsky

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Posted 20 October 2021 - 01:04 AM

The new director of the natural history museum wanted to attract more people. 

 

So they started giving dinosaur vertebrae away to newcomers.

 

Everyone was taken aback.


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#1906 chrysalis

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Posted 20 October 2021 - 03:24 AM

A scientist is looking to conduct an experiment using dolphins.

 

He goes to the pet store and asks the clerk if they have any dolphins.

 

The clerk responds, “We don’t have any dolphins, but would a whale work?”

 

The scientist responds, “No thank you, that defeats the porpoise...”



#1907 chrysalis

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Posted 20 October 2021 - 03:26 AM

A group of scientists was doing an experiment involving the bacteria in feces. They asked for donations of fecal matter from the public...

 

...but nobody gave a crap.


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#1908 chrysalis

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Posted 20 October 2021 - 03:29 AM

What does Schrodinger's 101st experiment look like?

 

1 not 1



#1909 chrysalis

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Posted 20 October 2021 - 03:30 AM

IT go check.JPG


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#1910 Mister T

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Posted 20 October 2021 - 06:29 AM

5) did you turn it off and turn it back on?

6) I'll wait...


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#1911 JackWhite

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Posted 20 October 2021 - 06:47 AM

Listen to this joke: one tectonic plate bumped into another and said "Sorry, my fault."


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#1912 chrysalis

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Posted 21 October 2021 - 02:54 AM

einstein pun.jpg



#1913 chrysalis

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Posted 21 October 2021 - 02:55 AM

Where in the fridge do you store your genetic experiments?

 

In the CRISPR drawer.


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#1914 chrysalis

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Posted 21 October 2021 - 02:56 AM

Did you hear about the cattle farmer that gambled on the experimental feeding of his cows with cannabis?

 

The results were promising at first but it turned out the steaks were too high.


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#1915 chrysalis

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Posted 21 October 2021 - 02:58 AM

A turkey farmer was experimenting with ways to make a better turkey.

 

After many frustrating attempts, the farmer announced to his friends, "Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!"

 

They all asked the farmer how it tasted.

 

"I don't know," said the farmer. "I never could catch the darn thing!"



#1916 chrysalis

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Posted 22 October 2021 - 03:09 AM

how scientists see the world.JPG


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#1917 chrysalis

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Posted 22 October 2021 - 03:31 AM

Resistance is not futile. It's voltage divided by current.


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#1918 chrysalis

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Posted 22 October 2021 - 03:33 AM

My Halloween  experiment ran away.

 

Which one?

 

Witch 1.

 

That's what I asked.


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#1919 chrysalis

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Posted 22 October 2021 - 03:36 AM

Why do mathematicians confuse Halloween and Christmas?

 

Because OCT 31 = DEC 25.


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#1920 Dave Mitsky

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Posted 22 October 2021 - 03:59 PM

With great power comes...

Great current and voltage!


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#1921 chrysalis

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Posted 23 October 2021 - 03:19 AM

disappointing evolution.JPG


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#1922 chrysalis

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Posted 23 October 2021 - 03:22 AM

How many socks does a mathematician have?

 

2n-1


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#1923 chrysalis

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Posted 23 October 2021 - 03:23 AM

How does a programmer confuse a mathematician?

 

x = x + 1


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#1924 chrysalis

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Posted 23 October 2021 - 03:23 AM

To the mathematician who thought of the idea of zero...

 

Thanks for nothing.


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#1925 Dave Mitsky

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Posted 24 October 2021 - 12:29 AM

String theory just might be the answer to everything.

 

But then again, it might knot.


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