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#1926 Dave Mitsky

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Posted 24 October 2021 - 12:36 AM

Brian May, the guitarist from British rock band Queen, has a PhD in astrophysics.

 

He started his schooling before Queen formed and was awarded his PhD in 2007.

 

One of his assertions is criticized by the science community though. 

 

It's because he has an odd theory of what causes the Earth's rotation.

 

You see, he thinks that fat bottomed girls make the rockin' world go round.


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#1927 chrysalis

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Posted 24 October 2021 - 03:39 AM

halloween costumes.jpg


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#1928 chrysalis

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Posted 24 October 2021 - 03:40 AM

Why are mathematicians always so happy?

 

Because the root of their negativity is imaginary.



#1929 chrysalis

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Posted 24 October 2021 - 03:41 AM

A mathematician arrives at work on a bike.

 

His colleague asks "Where did you get the bike?"

 

"That's really curious. Imagine, I was walking down the road, suddenly this young woman comes along on this bike, jumps off, takes her dress off, and says 'Take what you want'. So I took the bike."

 

"Makes sense", his colleague says, "I don't think you'd look good in a dress."


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#1930 chrysalis

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Posted 24 October 2021 - 03:43 AM

A mathematician and a physicist were arguing over whose field of study was better. They decided to settle the argument by posing questions.

 

The mathematician went first, and posed a complicated mathematical problem.

 

With a great deal of effort, several books of mathematical tables and techniques, and a few hours, the physicist gave the solved problem to the mathematician, who was duly impressed.

 

"All right, my turn. Here's the problem: you have a pot of water on the stove, at 60 F. You want to heat it up to 70 F. What do you do?"

 

The mathematician replied, "Oh, that's easy. You turn the stove on. Fourier's equations govern how heat transfers from the stove to the pot, and you can solve them numerically to find out how long it takes for the water to reach 70 F."

 

The physicist then asks, "All right, so what if the water's at 65 F?"

 

"Oh, that's even easier. You take the pot of water, stick it in the refrigerator until it cools down to 60 F, and then it simplifies to the previous problem!"



#1931 chrysalis

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Posted 24 October 2021 - 06:06 AM

When I was in college, I was really into this girl named Greta, but I was shy back then and not at all assertive.

 

She and two of her friends were going to a nerdy Halloween party and decided to go as the first digits of pi.

 

They needed someone to be the decimal, and I volunteered thinking it would give me a chance to talk to Greta.

 

I was really excited until I got there and realized that she was the 4, which meant there was someone between us all night. I was miserable, barely spoke to anyone, and went home alone.

 

Thing is, the whole reason I went to the party was that I really thought she was the one.


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#1932 Keith Rivich

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Posted 24 October 2021 - 10:36 PM

Alexander Fleming's mom:

 

Alex, dear boy, on your way to work can you throw out this moldy bread please.


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#1933 Keith Rivich

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Posted 24 October 2021 - 10:39 PM

James Watson's mom:

 

Jimmy, will you and Frank quit running up and down that spiral staircase before someone gets hurt.


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#1934 chrysalis

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Posted 25 October 2021 - 03:02 AM

halloween pharmacist.png


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#1935 chrysalis

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Posted 25 October 2021 - 03:04 AM

What's a mathematician's favorite candy bar?

 

*N* Musketeers, where *N* = 3...


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#1936 chrysalis

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Posted 25 October 2021 - 03:06 AM

A mathematician asked me to turn 6 into 9 by subtraction.

 

Me: You mean by addition?

 

Him: No, by subtraction.

 

Me: I guess by subtracting negative 3?

 

Him: (Sighs) You know this world would be a better place if people like you wouldn't overcomplicate things. Just remove the “S” ...

 

(3 ... 2... 1 ... :rimshot: )


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#1937 chrysalis

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Posted 25 October 2021 - 03:08 AM

A mathematician was staring at a number line.

 

It started at one and then skipped every second number.

 

He thought to himself, "This is odd."



#1938 chrysalis

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Posted 26 October 2021 - 03:08 AM

halloween-memes-pumpkin pi.jpg



#1939 chrysalis

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Posted 26 October 2021 - 03:12 AM

An engineer and a mathematician are both interviewed for a job.

 

One of the interview questions is, "What is pi?"

 

The engineer answers, "About 3."

 

The mathematician is still answering to this day.



#1940 chrysalis

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Posted 26 October 2021 - 03:13 AM

A mathematician comes home at 3:00 AM and gets a good shouting at from his wife.

 

"You said you'd be home at 11:45, this is so unlike you!"

 

The mathematician calmly responds, "No dear I said I'd be back home at a quarter *of* twelve."



#1941 chrysalis

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Posted 26 October 2021 - 03:14 AM

My friend is a mathematician and I asked what he makes.

 

He said. "$144K".

 

I replied, "That's gross!"



#1942 chrysalis

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Posted 27 October 2021 - 04:17 AM

halloween the-nightmare-before-christmas-exists-in-a-quantum-state-tis-2043202.png



#1943 chrysalis

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Posted 27 October 2021 - 04:18 AM

How did the mathematician kill himself?

 

With a hypote-noose.



#1944 chrysalis

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Posted 27 October 2021 - 04:19 AM

Why did a mathematician named his dog Cauchy?

 

Because it left residue at every pole!


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#1945 chrysalis

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Posted 27 October 2021 - 04:19 AM

How do mathematicians scold their children?

 

"If I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n+1 times …"


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#1946 Keith Rivich

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Posted 27 October 2021 - 05:54 PM

Nikola Tesla's mom (with a modern twist)

 

Nikky, I hear you and Thomas are going to the AC/DC concert. Have fun and no fighting please!


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#1947 chrysalis

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Posted 28 October 2021 - 05:59 AM

kelvin and higgs.jpg


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#1948 chrysalis

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Posted 28 October 2021 - 06:02 AM

I went out to dinner with a mathematician who was addicted to addition...

 

I have never seen so many positive signs on the first date!



#1949 chrysalis

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Posted 28 October 2021 - 06:02 AM

What does a mathematician call their 80-year old grandmother?

 

His octagram.



#1950 chrysalis

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Posted 28 October 2021 - 06:03 AM

What’s a mathematician’s favorite fruit?

 

A tangentarine...




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